\u201cDear Ethicist–<\/p>\n
What’s wrong with “sculpting” the truth on online dating sites? Women get breast implants, which is essentially false advertising (or “falsies advertising”) but men fall for that. So what’s the harm in shaving off a few years from your age or adjusting your photo on a dating site? I mean, sometimes no one will give you a chance until you do these things. And in real life people go on first dates and lie about all kinds of stuff from where they live to how many cats they have. What do you think?<\/p>\n
Sign Me–
\nLooking for Results\u201d<\/p>\n
Dear Looking,<\/p>\n
In a word, nothing<\/strong>. \u00a0Nothing is wrong with \u201csculpting the truth\u201d so long as no one has actually been deceived. \u00a0Paradoxically, some socially expected sorts of lying are not really dishonest, but actually required. \u00a0\u201cWell sorry, gotta go.\u201d \u00a0But real lying requires intentionally co-opting someone else\u2019s ability to make a decision by giving them misleading information. \u00a0\u201cLoan me ten bucks I promise I\u2019ll pay you back.\u201d \u00a0\u201cNo, I\u2019m not married.\u201d \u00a0Other sorts of lying are just downright pathetic. \u00a0Lying on online dating sites falls into this final category. \u00a0Because, let\u2019s be honest about lying on online dating sites, sooner or later the falsies always come off. \u00a0And if what is exposed is entirely unexpected, that\u2019s probably going to be a very embarrassing last date.<\/p>\n On online dating sites it is generally accepted that everyone will lie appropriately, but only very little. \u00a0According to research by Jeff Hancock<\/a> of Cornell University,\u00a0surprisingly, people are generally more honest online and in email than in person. \u00a0We tend only to tell little forgivable lies in online dating sites: \u00a0Men will round up their height to the next inch — 5\u20199 plus even an iota becomes 5\u201910\u201d — but rarely more than that, and women tend to lie slightly about their age, and everyone lies a little about their weight. \u00a0And this small amount of lying makes perfect sense, since when the coffee date finally comes, if what shows up is a brazen falsifier, unrecognizable by her given description, well that is a certainly going to be deal breaker.<\/p>\n According to the Rules of the Internet<\/a>\u00a0 30, \u201cThere are no girls on the internet.\u201d \u00a0As a Nerdfighter female friend recently explained to me, this doesn\u2019t just mean every member of every anonymous online love chat room, is really an overweight sweaty old bald man with gray stubble, it also means if you happen to be female online you cannot play the girl card, ever. \u00a0\u201cOmergerd! I am totally gonna kill you on EverQuest even though I am a cute girl, cuz I am a really tough Dark Elf! Grrrlz are very tough and gnarly too.\u201d Fail.<\/p>\n Which leads to the colossal cringe-worthy fail of pathetic football star Manti Te\u2019o: \u00a0A fake dead girlfriend<\/a>? \u00a0Talk about \u201cfalsies!\u201d \u00a0The whole bit from falsie girlfriend through falsie leukemia to falsie death, sounds like a guy creating a falsie \u201cbeard\u201d \u00a0for himself with a \u201ccatfishing<\/a>\u201d\u00a0scheme. \u00a0As more comes out it seems pretty well certain the whole thing was concocted as much by Te\u2019o himself \u00a0as by his \u201cfalsie\u201d friends. His fake girlfriend dying of fake cancer while he fakes emotional strength sounds pathetically like a super fake macho guy embarrassed by some very real carnal problems with women of flesh. \u00a0\u201cSee Mormon Mom and Dad? \u00a0I really do have a girlfriend, really. \u00a0And I would have loved for you to meet her… but… \u00a0(tears, sighs and courage) she died.<\/p>\n